


The Woes of Hundreds of People Living on One Starship (Or 'Five Times that Someone was Interrupted when They Didn't Want to Be')

by The_Sherlocked_Shadow



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Awkward situations, Completely gen, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Humour, Masturbation, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-16 17:57:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/864940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Sherlocked_Shadow/pseuds/The_Sherlocked_Shadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While living with so many people on one ship, it's likely that you'll walk into some awkward situations. Awkward scenarios meaning sexual pleasure.</p>
<p>These are five of those scenarios.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Woes of Hundreds of People Living on One Starship (Or 'Five Times that Someone was Interrupted when They Didn't Want to Be')

**1.**

Spock stopped short as he stepped into Kirk's quarters.

"The fuck- _Spock_ , get _out_!"

Spock tilted his head, watching Kirk scramble to pull blankets around himself. In the dim light of the room, Spock got a glimpse of pale skin of his Captain's rear end and the erection that was obvious even after he had jerked the blanket close.

"You told me to find you once I had finished the interpretations," Spock said flatly.

"Fucking _hell_! Can't you knock? Couldn't you wait five- _Get out!_ " Kirk said again, a flush colouring his face.

Spock raised an eyebrow but turned away. "As you wish, Captain."

He stepped into the hallway, resisting the urge to sigh in would-be annoyance. All that he wished to do was finish the preparations for landing on their Class-M planet so that the rest of the crew would go on shore leave and he could have some time to himself. Instead of business, Kirk had once again resorted to pleasure, and Spock had been the unfortunate interruption.

He didn't have an ounce of remorse for Kirk, if he were to be honest. He wouldn't have, anyway; he was a Vulcan, after all.

Kirk joined him in the hall after three point five minutes. He was wearing clothes now, but he still appeared flustered. There was a sheen of sweat gleaming on his visible skin, a flush across his cheeks, and his breathing was quicker than usual. His hair was mussed and he combed his fingers through it, fixing Spock with a glare but never quite meeting his eye.

"Are you just going to stand here all night?? Shit... Why didn't you buzz me?!"

"I did," Spock replied evenly. "You failed to respond, even though the ship's locator placed you in your quarters. I had assumed that you had fallen asleep."

"I certainly wasn't sleeping!"

"So it would seem." Spock held out his PADD. "As you will find, the atmosphere of this planet is very much like Earth..."

**2.**

" _Bones!_ "

McCoy jumped, trying to jerk his hand out of his pants, button the button on his pants, and sit up straight all at once. Attempting all three of these at once accomplished absolutely nothing and his face felt like it was on fire as he looked up at the amused face of none other than Jim Kirk.

"Take it out of Sickbay, man. What if I had been Chapel?" Jim asked, voice amused, although his gaze was purposefully locked on the pristine medical bay walls.

"Then she could have joined in with me, dammit." He finished buttoning his pants and straightened his shirt. "Whaddaya want, Jim?"

"I wanted the report on Riley from engineering, but if you're busy..."

That humour again. That damn light humour. When was the last time that Jim had gotten laid? Was he just working his way through all the women on the ship so he didn't have to jerk himself off in his quarters? Lucky bastard. McCoy hadn't had a woman in... how long had it been?

"Just take it, take it!" McCoy said, searching out the report. He handed it over, irritably clenching his hands into fists in his lap.

"Thanks, Bones," Jim said cheerfully. "Hey, Bones," he said, after a moment's pause, "you know how it's good for you to have sex every now and then?"

McCoy glared. "Get out!"

Kirk grinned like a cat who had gotten the cream. "Right-o, Bones. I'll just leave you to..." he trailed off, making an obscene gesture with his hand.

"Dammit," McCoy muttered as Kirk walked out. "Damn sex-obsessed, lucky ass bastard..."

**3.**

It had taken quite a bit of prying, quite of bit of promised threats on their lives, and even more research that had both Jim and McCoy in terse silence, but they had figured it out.

Spock was going through _pon farr_.

Scary shit, for a Vulcan. It didn't sound terrible to Jim- come on, increased libido? What was wrong with that?- but Vulcans prided themselves on logic and restraint and stupid shit that everybody got annoyed at Spock for occasionally.

"If he comes at me, Jim, I swear I'll punch his ass out. I don't want a Vulcan penis waved in my face," McCoy grumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets like a sulking three year old.

"He's not going to hit on you, Bones. We both just read up on it; it's not like that."

"How are you so sure?" Bones muttered.

Jim wasn't. Instead, he deflected and answered with: "If he hits on anyone, it'll be me first. Obviously." He grinned.

McCoy rolled his eyes. Jim punched in the override code for Spock's quarters and ran through the little speech he had been preparing. _Don't worry about it, we'll take you to New Vulcan_ , shit like that. He didn't get to the speech.

Because when the automated door swung open, he and Bones were met with the sight of Spock, naked from the hips down, thrusting rythmically into a very much naked Uhura.

_"Fuck!"_ was the first word that Jim heard- and mainly because it was McCoy who exclaimed it loudly near his ear before turning and striding away. There was a barrage of swearing then, mostly in languages that Jim didn't understand as Uhura yelled what Jim assumed were profanities at them. Spock didn't say a word, his expression not changing from the fierce look his face held, although he didn't make to cover himself up, either.

It took Jim all of five seconds to turn his back. "Sorry! Shit, sorry, I didn't- I mean-" He held up his hands. "I'll come back later!" He tore off after Bones, leaving Spock's door to close behind him.

"Dammit, Jim! I said I didn't want to see a Vulcan penis!" McCoy snapped, hurrying down the hall with a red face that mirrored Kirk's.

**4.**

It was inevitable, of course, that, while living upon a starship with people you had to be close with, you walked in on some things. There were different types of things, but all were embarassing, ranging anywhere from someone walking up behind you when you were pissing on a tree because you were caught short on recon to someone barging into your quarters when you were in the middle of orgasm and murmuring the person's name to bring yourself to that climax.

It was all weird and embarrassing, but easily the weirdest and embarrassing was when Leonard walked in on Uhura having a go with herself.

It wasn't his fault, dammit. He was just tracking down the people who had avoided or missed their monthy physical. The computer said that Uhura was in the lab, despite the late hour, and McCoy had just gone to ask her to set up a time and date.

Instead, he walked in on her slumped back in her chair, pantyhose around her knees and her hand vanished underneath the uniform dress.

McCoy choked on the breath that he was taking and turned straight back around. The door, which had just slid closed, didn't react as quickly as McCoy had and he walked smack-dab into the cold metal.

There was the scuffling of a chair as Uhura probably sat up (McCoy was _not_ looking back. Sure, it was fucking sexy; Uhura was smokin' but hell if this wasn't awkward. He wasn't Jim, dammit. Jim would have just said _"Got room for two?"_ or some sarcastic shit like that, but McCoy valued his balls way too much to take a kick from those women's issued high-heel boots.) and then the breathless, angry words split the air.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here?!" Uhura gasped.

McCoy kept his gaze studiously on the wall. "You missed your monthly check-up," he said in as much a monotone as he could muster. Hell, his face was flaming. He was a doctor, dammit; why was he so school-boy embarrassed about this? He was a grown man and a doctor! "You need to schedule."

"You couldn't call me??"

"I find it easier to confront people. That being said, I'm changing my mind. Confrontation is a terrible tactic. Let me know when you're free."

He stepped through the open doorway and strode down the hall, letting out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

**5.**

Spock stroked his fingers fluidly over his throbbing penis, relishing in the trembles that moved through his body. It was as though every nerve-ending was on fire. His hips shifted instinctively to press his length more firmly into his own hand as he breathed heavily in and out through his nose. He kept his lips pressed together tightly, listening to his heartbeat pounding his ear, echoing with every pulse of his penis, with every wave of desire.

He forced his fingers to a standstill, his penis twitching in abandonment of the friction. There was no pleasure to be had in a quick orgasm and, given the lacking amount of orgasms he had, when he wanted one, he made sure to give himself a great one.

Sweat travelled in tickling rivulets down his shoulderblades. The air was thick with the smell of the incense burning and the temperature was even warm to him in his flustered state.

His finger flicked impatiently at his tip as he warred with the logical thoughts in mind. He needed to give himself a solid three to five minutes if he did not wish to orgasm soon, but the thought of waiting brought a groan to his throat. He swallowed it down and permitted himself a brief stroke, one that brought the moan back, deep in his throat.

Now, now, now. It must be now. Logic be damned; this wasn't an extended bout of self-pleasure but it would be _quite_ self-pleasing but it had to happen _now_.

"Spock!"

He had fair warning, he knew, with the shout through the sliding door to his room. But his fingers had taken up their motion again and his impending orgasm made it difficult for his mind to make the circuit to his fingers to say _stop!_

Even as Jim invaded his privacy again, caught sight of his hand gliding away at his erect Vulcan penis, and blushed a terribly deep red.

Spock forced his hand to stop, his toes curling in denied anticipation. Please don't let there be a crisis. Thirty more seconds would suffice if Jim kept this brief.

"Yes?" he cracked out, swallowing to clear the huskiness from his voice. His hips shifted impatiently without his consent and he again forced back a moan, digging his fingernails into his thigh for a distraction.

"Don't... inconvenience yourself on my behalf," Kirk muttered, glancing away from the spot on the wall he had been staring at and then looking right back at it. "But we've encountered a ship's remains on the planet below us..."

Spock hadn't removed his hand from his groin, nor had he bothered to make a grab for the blanket. There was no logical reasoning to cover up his body when every male possessed the same body parts or functions, especially when he would be in the throes of orgasm quite soon if he could held it. He didn't want to soil his blanket, after all. Debasing enough were human pleasures; untidiness was wholly unacceptable. "We are beaming down to the surface," Spock supplied as Kirk trailed off uncomfortably. His fingers twitched impatiently. "I will join you momentarily."

"Right." Kirk swallowed and turned away, shaking his head slightly. "For you being such a private person, you sure let it all hang out."

"These are my quarters, in which I can do as I please," Spock retorted.

"I can see that, quite clearly." Borderline amusement. Spock had the sudden notion that Kirk was not going to let him forget this, although he couldn't fathom why. He had walked in on him in the middle of a sexual foray with a woman before. "Landing party's meeting in the transporter room in ten. Have, um, fun. Don't tire yourself out. Might need the energy."

"I will keep it in mind," Spock said, already continuing to bring himself to climax. He had to be in the transporter room in ten minutes, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I know someone probably would have liked to see Sulu or Chekov or Scotty, but I'm relatively uncertain with how I write those characters, so I stuck to McCoy, Jim, Spock, and Uhura (not that I'm perfect with them, either). I'm still not entirely sure that I like my McCoy & Uhura moment- almost thought of writing Kirk & Uhura, instead, but with Kirk, it would have just been a quick sarcastic remark, so I went with McCoy instead.


End file.
